The Truth About Love That Can change Your Marriage.

The Truth About Love That Can change  Your Marriage.

Picture this: It’s Sunday morning, and you’re sitting outside your house in Meru, sipping a hot cup of ‘chai ya majani’ (tea) while your spouse is inside, grumbling about how you never remember to put the toothpaste cap back on. 

You take a deep breath and think, "Ah, love. Is this really it?"

See, many of us grew up believing that love is a fairytale. Thanks to Nollywood movies and Mexican soap operas, we thought marriage would be all about long, loving stares, surprise gifts, and dramatic airport chases. 

But then reality hit: love isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you do. And let’s be honest, those dramatic gestures are hard to pull off when  negotiating with your spouse over who should wash the sufurias.

But don’t lose hope yet! Here are three hard truths about love that, if embraced, can completely transform your marriage.

1. Love is Built on Daily Habits, Not Just Feelings

Many couples think if they don’t feel butterflies every day, something is wrong. But the truth is, love isn’t about dramatic highs—it’s about consistent effort.

A 2021 study published in Contemporary Family Therapy found that couples who engage in everyday conversations, not just conflict resolution, report higher satisfaction. 

So, those little check-ins—"Umefika?"(Have you arrived) "Umeshinda aje?"(How was your day)  "Umekula?"(Have you eaten) —aren’t just small talk; they build connection.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, found that happy couples follow specific daily rituals to keep their love strong:

Eat together without distractions – Yes, that means no TikTok scrolling during dinner.

Check in about the day’s stressors – Ask about work, that annoying neighbor, or how Arsenal is stressing your partner out.

Exercise together – Take evening walks, hit the gym, or dance in the living room to Diamond Platnumz.

Share a six-second kiss – Not a rushed peck, but a moment that makes you feel connected.

Keep dating – Marriage doesn’t mean you stop going on dates. Even ‘nyama choma’ at a kibanda counts!

2. Love Thrives More on Respect Than Passion

Passion might have brought you together, but respect keeps you together. 

In Kenya, we have this phrase: "Mapenzi ni kuvumiliana." And it’s true. You can love someone, but if you don’t respect them, the relationship crumbles.

A 2024 study found that respect—both admiration for a partner’s qualities and feeling valued—directly affects relationship happiness. If your partner feels disrespected, their commitment drops, and resentment grows.

So how do you cultivate respect in marriage?

The "switch roles" exercise – When arguing, pause and argue from your partner’s point of view. It builds empathy and reduces unnecessary fights.

Filter your words – Before snapping at your partner, ask yourself, "Would I say this to my boss?" If not, rephrase it with kindness.

Daily silent appreciation – Even if you don’t say it aloud, mentally acknowledge one good thing your spouse did that day.

3. Love Requires Tough Conversations

Most Kenyan couples avoid deep conversations. We joke, "Mambo ya ndoa ni kuvumilia tu." But the truth? Silence is the fastest way to kill love.

A 2021 study in Psychological Reports found that effective communication is the second strongest predictor of a happy marriage. Avoiding hard talks about money, unmet needs, or personal struggles only creates emotional distance.

Instead, embrace open communication:

Set aside “honesty hours” – A weekly moment where you both share what’s on your heart without interruptions.

Use “I” statements – Instead of "You never help me!", say "I feel overwhelmed and would love some help."

Listen, don’t just react – Sometimes, your partner doesn’t need solutions, just an ear. Nod, say "Nakuona," and let them vent.

Final Thoughts

Love isn’t about waiting for magical feelings; it’s about making daily choices to nurture your bond. 

It’s choosing kindness over ego, laughter over grudges, and teamwork over competition.

So the next time your spouse annoys you, before you throw a slipper at them (figuratively, of course), ask yourself—are we growing together or growing apart? Because in the end, marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about partnership.

And who knows? With these truths in mind, maybe your Sunday morning tea won’t come with toothpaste arguments, but with laughter, understanding, and love that lasts a lifetime.

Hey there, amazing reader!

First off, THANK YOU for taking the time to read this post. We know life gets busy, but the fact that you’re here means you value love, growth, and healthy relationships—and that’s something truly special.

We’d love to hear from you! What are your thoughts on today’s topic? Have you experienced any of these truths in your own relationship? Drop a comment below—we read every single one and truly appreciate your insights!

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Until next time—keep loving, keep growing, and keep thriving!

 

Yours sincerely,

    Author

George Mwirigi.